


searching for a halo

by leonhart



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, First Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-05
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2017-12-28 11:50:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/991685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonhart/pseuds/leonhart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where Eren didn't save Mikasa. Annie did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	searching for a halo

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta-ed, and diverges from canon even before the start of the series.
> 
> Music: Nell – Haven

_Start._

It’s satisfying. The cold fury inside of her subsides little by little, as she cuts away the ropes holding the girl captive. Her gaze is no longer the blankness of someone faraway, but filled with an awareness that’s electrifying. Annie can’t help but tremble a little, averting her eyes to the safe ground.

“You’re safe now. What’s your name?”

Annie, with her back facing the door, helps her to sit up; carefully, she checks the girl’s wrists for any bruises or cuts.

“M-Mikasa.”

“I took both of them down.”

“Wait, there were three. Three of them.”

_Three?!_

“YOU!”

The force of the kick sends her flying away from Mikasa. He’s too strong, too fast, and too angry at the death of his comrades. She can’t do anything as he wraps his hands around her neck, slowly choking her to death.

“DID YOU KILL THEM?!”

His rage is burning hot, the spittle from his cursing hitting her face and she feels the ice inside of her spread. She doesn’t struggle, but she meets Mikasa’s eyes, silently willing her to pick up the knife and finish the job. She can see Mikasa trembling, unable to make a move. Annie digs her nails into his fists, choking out a word with what’s left of her breath.

“…L-Live!”

Annie has never asked Mikasa what she thought of at that moment.

She sees Mikasa grabbing the knife.

It’s as if another being has taken control of her body, a monster devouring its prey. In one smooth movement, she launches herself towards the assailant, with a force that Annie has never seen before. The wooden floorboard cracks sharply as it breaks. The metal edge of the knife twinkles sharply for a moment before disappearing. It’s almost beautiful – Mikasa strikes true, killing him instantly.

For a moment, there is only silence.

They leave the bloodied cabin and the bodies behind. Mikasa is hesitant, almost sluggish and Annie knows firsthand the way she feels.

“I don’t know where to go.”

“Come with me.”

Annie pulls her hood down, extricating the ends of the scarf that’s stayed warm under her clothes. She wraps her scarf around Mikasa, who’s shivering in the cold. It still doesn’t solve the problem of Mikasa still being barefooted.

“I don’t have a family but you can stay with me.”

She wants to laugh at the wide-eyed look Mikasa has when she realizes what Annie means. It’s almost perverse, the way it still hurts, but hurts a little less when someone else shares the same pain.

Annie unbuttons her jacket and wears it across her front. She kneels with her back facing Mikasa, pulling the other girl’s arms around her shoulders as she does so. Annie is a little taller than Mikasa and stronger. She knows she was definitely trained for situations like this, so she hefts Mikasa up against her back, making sure that Mikasa’s feet are covered against the blowing wind by Annie’s jacket.

They begin the trek back to civilization, slowly but surely.

_  
_

_Discovery_

The traffickers leave them alone. Her father had ties to them and he made sure of their loyalties when he first sent Annie away. They know she killed their people, a politely worded missive had said as much, declaring their intention to keep the peace. They’re afraid, as they should be. She could easily crush them all under her feet if she wished so, even without the plot to wipe out all of humanity.

They go out shopping for groceries sometimes. The both of them get stares – Mikasa stands out everywhere – even by Shingashina standards, they’re too young to be living alone but nobody ever makes a move to question them.

They meet Eren Jaeger and Armin Arlet on one of those trips. Eren’s idealism grates at Annie, who’s long given up on anything beyond her father’s message.

It’s the same idealism that lands him in the situation they first encounter the boys in. A group of kids crowded in a side alley, one that Mikasa and Annie often use. They’re in a one-sided fight, two boys against five, but the two of them aren’t backing down. Or at least, one of them isn’t, scowling heavily while the other is cowering against the wall. Annie would have just walked past them, but Mikasa stops. Annie honestly doesn’t understand Mikasa sometimes. Mikasa is much too kind for her own good and it fascinates Annie to no end.

The bullies finally notice Mikasa.

They turn their backs on the two boys, tossing out a few insults at Mikasa that Annie ignores. She keeps the same disinterested expression on her face while shrugging silently at Mikasa. It’s up to Mikasa to finish what she started and Annie would be lying if she didn’t want to see her protégé in action against someone who didn’t know what they got themselves into.

Mikasa has a grace that Annie doesn’t.

Annie goes for economy of movement; hitting fast while making sure that every action allows her to cover her weak point and disabling her enemies with ease. Mikasa is lithe and faster than she is, going in close and lashing out with an almost sinister calm. Her method is almost reckless in execution but Annie hasn’t had the heart to stamp it out during training.

Mikasa demolishes all five of the bullies in quick succession and Annie is taken by the flush in her cheeks. The angry boy sullenly mutters about not needing their help, before dragging the other boy away. Mikasa’s eyes widen slightly before returning to the same calm she fights with. Clamping down on the sudden rage rising in her, Annie grabs Mikasa’s hand in her own, leading her back home where she can tend to the scrapes.

“You shouldn’t be so kind,” Annie chides.

Her scolding tone softens as she dabs alcohol onto the cuts on Mikasa’s knuckles. They’re running out of bandages soon, Annie notes absently. She lifts the younger girl’s hand to make sure the cloth neatly wraps over her knuckles, when Mikasa tightens her fingers around Annie’s.

“You were kind to me.”

Annie looks up at Mikasa in shock.

Mikasa doesn’t avert her eyes, steadily staring at Annie with stubborn resolve. Her fingers are longer than Annie’s are; slender, yet callused from training and chores. They’ve both grown so much, Mikasa more than Annie. They were the same height for a while, before Mikasa went through a freakish growth spurt that has her towering over Annie now.

There isn’t any innocence left to shelter herself from the maelstrom of feelings that Mikasa induces in her. She sees Mikasa leaning forward, more than she feels it happening.  

It’s just a light brush of lips, but Annie shivers and she can feel the goosebumps rising along her arms. She inhales a shaky breath, threading her fingers in Mikasa’s hair, bringing her closer again.  

She kisses Mikasa softly, almost tenderly. She files away in the recesses of her mind the way Mikasa trembles, the way her breath hitches as Annie nips at the edges of her lips, the way Mikasa’s hands are fisted in Annie’s shirt.

“Annie?”

Mikasa cups Annie’s cheeks with both hands, and the affection in her eyes combined with her kiss-bruised lips only makes Annie all too aware of the limited time they have. Mikasa swipes her thumbs against the corner of Annie’s eyes, wiping away the tears that have escaped her control.

“I won’t regret this, so don’t worry.”

She’s grateful for it, just as something in her collapses and gives up a final broken shudder. Mikasa pulls Annie onto her lap, desperate to close the gap between their bodies. Annie kisses her hotly, seeking entrance to her mouth with her tongue. She presses insistently against Mikasa, flicking her tongue against Mikasa’s roughly.

Annie feels like she’s run a million miles, panting lightly and lightheaded with pleasure. Mikasa doesn’t look like she’s any better either, her eyes are dazed and her entire body - face, ears, neck and arms - is all flushed with red.

Annie leans forward, pressing their foreheads together, and shares a smile that Mikasa returns.

 

 

_Training_

Mikasa can be as quiet as Annie when she wants to be but her unique looks and stature attracts stares from all the trainees, even after this all time. It’s not uncommon at this point and the closer it gets to choosing their placements, the more questions Mikasa gets. She will humour their questions as they eat their simple dinner. Annie’s tired of hearing their sycophantic praise of Mikasa. Humanity’s hope, a military genius worth 100 ordinary soldiers, all those things no longer meant anything to Annie.

Annie slinks off to the side, not bothering to acknowledge Reiner and Bertholdt’s knowing looks with anything more than a nod.

Mikasa finds her afterwards in their clearing. The well-worn boots she wears make no sounds as she crosses the clearing with long strides. She reaches for Annie, who turns her back to Mikasa.

“Annie…”

She trusts Mikasa. She ought to tell Mikasa before it’s too late. And yet, each time she thinks about betraying humanity, the burning in her chest only gets worse. Her hand clenches - Annie shoves her traitorous fist into her pocket of her hoodie – she’s sure Mikasa noticed. Mikasa notices everything about her. Why doesn’t she say anything?

“We need to stop.” The words sound foreign, even to her.

She screws her eyes shut, but she can’t close her ears to Mikasa’s betrayed gasp.                      

Mikasa is on her before she can react. Her teeth scrape against the nape of Annie’s neck, causing her to let out a stifled whimper. Annie’s sensitivity at the back of her neck is something that Mikasa doesn’t really understand but takes advantage of all the time.

It reduces Annie to a mewling heap, kneeling with her feet wide apart and hands propped against rough bark. Mikasa slips her hand under the band of Annie’s pants. Her fingers easily find the stiffened bud, rubbing roughly against it the way Annie likes and Annie can’t stop the ragged moan that slips out without warning.

Mikasa uses her other hand to shove Annie’s bra away, rubbing and rolling her erect nipple between two fingers. She shudders as Mikasa continues to lick and suck at the back of her neck. Mikasa loves hearing Annie during sex, to know that she’s the only who gets to hear Annie’s voice roughened in pleasure.

Annie promises herself that this is the last time.

Mikasa bites down hard, without letting her fingers slow and Annie howls. The tremors won’t let go of her, nor will this strange mixture of euphoria and despair. Mikasa holds her close, almost crushingly, as Annie rides it out shakily.

Mikasa, who’s spent her life training and studying, because Annie won’t let go of her mission.

Annie pins Mikasa down. One last time. One last kiss.

In the end, Mikasa chooses the Scouting Legion. Annie chooses to set the final piece of her father’s plan into place.

_  
_

_Fighting_

She’s prepared for this since the first day Father started teaching her how to fight. Every single Titan Shifter was made to betray.

The Scouting Legion was returning to the city – numbers thinned significantly by the titans outside of the walls – Bertholdt among them.

The Colossal Titan outside of the walls appears as planned and kicks a hole in the wall again, just in time to bring the debris toppling down on the rear guard and civilian gathered for the return of humanity’s best warriors.

The Scouting Legion is well prepared, as always. Their soldiers immediately spring to the protection and evacuation of civilians. The bells ring their sonorous alarms, alerting the remaining population to the presence of titans in the city – useless for the many that have already fallen – they rush to the inner gates in mass panic.

Annie triggers the transformation with her ring. The appearance of shifter lightning within the walls set off another chorus of bells. It hurts her sensitive ears, but she shakes it off and heads straight for Eren Jaeger, assigned to the protection of Squad Leader Levi, Reiner Braun and Mikasa Ackerman. Her information gathering is almost pointless, for as soon as she gains ground, another bolt of shifter lightning strikes. Eren’s roar resounds through the city; it almost sounds like a taunting _Come and fight me!_ to all titans in the vicinity.

When she reaches, Eren’s ripping into normal titans, tearing them apart with his fists and teeth. The Scouting Legion soldiers are arrayed on the rooftops all around him, ready to attack at a moment’s notice.

She sprints towards the Rogue Titan, the city pounding with each step she takes. The soldiers activate their 3DMG, hurtling towards her from all directions while Eren is still distracted.

The first thing she does is to stop Mikasa.

She knows every inch of Mikasa’s body – the way she makes love, the way she fights – and Annie uses that knowledge to disable Mikasa almost instantly. Even through the muteness of her Titan form, she wishes that Mikasa wouldn’t look so hurt. Annie plucks Mikasa out of the air right before she can swerve away and crushes one of her 3DMG gearboxes. She ignores the shriek of outraged anger, tossing Mikasa in Reiner’s direction. She knows he’ll catch Mikasa and keep her out of the fighting. Reiner is nothing but reliable to his core, whichever persona he wears.

Squad Leader Levi is better than all the accounts she’s heard as a trainee and from her informants. He slices through Annie’s tendons faster than any other soldier, before she can even think to crystallize them. Another squad launches barbed nets that pierce through her entire body. The overwhelming pain stabs throughout her, sending her crashing to the ground, hand covering her nape.

She hears Mikasa screaming for her to stop this charade. It makes no difference to Annie.

She focuses on the regeneration of her feet and kicks out at the surrounding buildings, ripping the trap machines apart. Little by little, her arm muscles regenerate, and she swipes at the remaining soldiers with no restraint at all. Even without looking back, she knows all of them sustained heavy injuries.

Eren is her final target.

He pounces on her, ripping at her with all his might.

 

_  
_

_Fin._

_“Forgive me, Annie.”_

It was impossible. From the start, it had been nothing but a suicidal mission.

_“I was wrong… It’s too late to ask you to forgive me but listen to one thing I have to say, just one thing. I want to ask you to treat the whole world as your enemy.”_

Eren roars, launching another punch at her. She barely dodges with the blood streaming down her face and hardens her knuckles, retaliating with a blow of her own. He kicks out at her, sending her flying into a building.

His recovery time is faster, improving each time he transforms into his titan form. It gives him an advantage over Annie, who’s exhausted and barely recovering from her previous transformation. He flies at her, aiming for her neck. She punches at him, connecting with a force that rips the other titan’s jaw out and sends him crashing to the ground.

She kicks him again with her remaining foot, making sure he'd stay down long enough for her to get away. They were almost at the wall now.

_“Even if the whole world hates you, your dad is the one person on your side.”_

Mikasa. Reiner. Bertholdt. She would miss them.

_“So promise me that you'll return.”_

There was only one way left.

Annie started running for the walls.

_“ANNIE!”_

Mikasa. Annie jerked to a halt in her climbing. Mikasa must have gotten a new set of 3DMG from someone else.

“Stop this, please!”

She couldn’t. It was too late.

She doesn’t need to kill titans. She just wants to go home.

The 3DMG’s grapple hook embedded itself in the wall, cord whipping around to bring Mikasa closer to Annie. Annie reached up, pausing again at Mikasa’s words.

“If you can’t, I’ll do it for you!”

Her blades sliced through Annie’s right fingers in one blow, the strained 3DMG cords whirring around instantly for a second slash to rip through the fingers of Annie’s remaining hand.

For a moment, time stood still.

 

_“Annie…_

Mikasa is crying. Annie can only feel the ice spreading through her again. It wipes all the pain away, but doesn’t make a difference to the tears on her face.

 

_…Fall.”_

**Author's Note:**

> The timeline of events has been changed (e.g. assignment to the different military branches occurs before Eren discovers that he's a Titan) but I tried my best to keep certain events and scenes as close to the original as possible.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
